Re:[Worship] Prayer

["Jennifer Litke" <j_litke@hotmail.com>]

This is so very amazing!  It is God in His most awesome form coming to speak 
to me in a way that I can not even imagine.  I checked my email today 
wanting to write to you all about something so very awesome that has come my 
way.  It has been so long since I have written only because I haven't been 
in worship for sooooooo long. For those of you who remember my sagas from 
the summer you might understand, for those of you who don't its too long to 
even get into.
      My husband and I for all intensive purposes have left our church.  In 
fact we haven't been there for over eleven weeks.  We are beginning to feel 
the strain that it has put on our family.  Our Pastor (who is also our 
Uncle) had not come to us, or returned our phone calls in over ten weeks, 
and when he finally did come to us the damage had been done.  We have not 
officially left but we do not feel the urge to go back.  We have been hurt 
not only by the Pastor and the administration but by people who supposedly 
called themselves our friends.  They too did not call us or seek to find if 
we were alright.  As it was they are also the people who schemed and plotted 
to get me off the worship team this summer while my husband was away. If I 
sound bitter it probably is because I have been....I'm working on that!  My 
husband and I are trying very hard to move on with our lives, but with 
things unresolved as they are it has been a struggle.  Okay so what does 
this have to do with worship???? Well, a friend of mine who I have known in 
ministry for some time is starting up a new worship team using only select 
people who have been waiting for an opportunity to worship for ages.  We 
have the facility, the funding, the people and the spiritual support that we 
need and it has beed completely orchestrated by God.  We will be practicing 
and praying for the month of January and then starting up a Saturday night 
worship center in February.  We live in a very small town that as of a few 
months ago had all of the churches do away with their evening services (it 
was not a joined effort by each church, just a strange coincidince) and the 
worship has dried up like nothing I have ever seen. (I do not begin to doubt 
the sincerity of the people who are still worshipping the Lord...I believe 
their hearts do long after for the Lord as I do but something has changed 
with the way the teams are leading the people...people are falling away in 
droves!)  So the need for worship is prevalant.  We are so thankful that we 
have this opportunity to be used by the Lord...but my heart is not right.  I 
have been feeling such victory over those people who schemed to get me out 
of worship only a few short months ago.  The frustration and hurt that I 
felt is coming back like some sort of vindication (or a validation of my 
worthiness as a person) and I feel like I want them to see me and I want to 
say to them "look at me now! HA!"  I know it is such a WRONG attitude. That 
is why I am stunned by the prayer I just read.  God has been preparing me 
for this time and I have spit in His face.  I am unworthy of His favour in 
any regard because I have been so selfish...thinking of my own hurt before 
everything else.  I think about everything I went through in the 
summer...and although I knew that the team that banished me was doomed to 
fall apart anyway, and did, and has remained to be so, I couldn't get past 
the hurt that plauged me for so long.  These people were supposed to be my 
friends.  It has really caused me to guard my heart in a way I never wanted 
to before.  And to top it all off, since the middle of October my husband 
and I have not been in church and it has hurt us even more.  (the absence of 
a caring Pastor and the absence of caring friends and the absence of a 
nurturing environment to feed our spiritual growth and help to keep us on 
the right path)  We remain faithful in the Lord and try our best to continue 
to instill the importance of prayer in our son and our family life.  I don't 
want to feel this way any longer.  I long to be set free of this bondage 
that has kept me captive for so long. I am excited to start this new venture 
and I can't wait to serve the Lord.  This prayer that I read has helped me 
to remeber that I do not serve man, and my position in worship is not a man 
position it is a God position designed to serve HIM!  Thank you to whoever 
sent this.  Bless you!  I am going to print it off and try to read it 
everyday.  I am going to put it in my Bible and adopt it as my own.  I 
needed this more than you know!

Much love
Jennifer

-->"Lord, I need to talk to you about the stress I often feel  because of 
envious competition. I long to be the unique person You created me to be and 
not anyone else. Forgive me when I envy the gifts, talents and success of 
others rather than praise You for all You have given me.... You do not play 
favourites or pit people against one another. You are for me and not against 
me . Your will is that I be the miracle You planned for me to be. Help me 
set my goals to accomplish Your will for me. I confess that I've been so 
busy competing with others that I've taken my eyes off You.  When You take 
up residence in my heart the dominant desire is to please You. You have 
promised that if I humbled myself in Your sight, You will
lift me up. I know You will multiply my potential beyond my wildest 
expectations."<--

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