Re: [Worship] What to do in this situation??

["mikechey" <mikechey@email.msn.com>]

thansk Raymond..
I really felt I had given it up.. period..
for those 13 years after I met my husband and had a family..
no singing for the Lord except at home in my private time..
and no singing for the world..nothing except ONE wedding.
When I came to this church I didn't want to sing in the choir or praise team
at all.
My sister talked me into it because she said that was what I was called to
do..
I felt the same way but wasn't ready.
The pastor's sermons have all been on not hiding your gift, don't put your
talent in a box,
find your calling, find your purpose..if you see someone doing something
here you can do better..that's probably your calling..
I could have sang special music recently but don't feel ready to share yet..
except to uplift others in the choir.
I too had thought I should quit, like you are saying..
but my husband, sister and best friend in the church all say that would be
just what the enemy wants.
Remember the story about the talents..? and not doing anything with them?
my problem was just how to go about dealing with others being intimidated by
your gift and the enemy trying to put the brakes on with his little digs in
your mind.
I wondered if any other singers in the churches had this problem and what
they did about it.
I have thought about quitting many times...but don't want the enemy to get
the victory!
My sister and I had a talk about this and she too has gone through the same
thoughts and everything I have.. she said she wouldn't be surprised if ANY
ministry was attacked like that before the person was called into the
ministry and during.
Anyway thanks so much for the advice:)
Chey


----- Original Message -----
From: "Ibarra, Raymond" <ribarra@ci.livermore.ca.us>
To: "'mikechey'" <mikechey@email.msn.com>; <worship@praise.net>
Sent: Thursday, January 04, 2001 5:15 PM
Subject: RE: [Worship] What to do in this situation??


> I believe this will be a short answer, because I am not one to respond
with
> 10 paragraphs, and so much commentary, but I say what i can, and love to
> read others response.....
>
> As soon as I finished reading this passage, I felt some of your burden...
> and as soon as I hit the close button on the email, the passage of
scripture
> came to me, now I might not be paraphrasing it correctly, but it goes
> something like this.....
>
> When Jesus said,   "unless a grain of corn fall to the ground and die, how
> can it live again, and produce"
>
> Somebody shared this with me sometime, and it can pertain, to a lot of
areas
> in our lives, where we will achieve or prosper, or attain
something.....eg.
> Wife, Husband, Calling, Talent, Finances....
> Meaning we have to let it die, so that it can live again....
>
> Maybe you should lay low for a little while, and stay away from the
Worship
> Leader, Team, and others who are in the music ministry, and just sing in
> your prayer time, and make other relationships in other ministries, and
when
> you let this dream, vision, or calling die, God will raise it back up
> again....and it sure is beautiful WHEN GOD does it in his time.....
>
> But just like a seed thats planted, jus water it and cultivate it in
Prayer,
> But not outwardly...
> So that God blesses you in secret....
>
> I hope this helps......
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: mikechey [mailto:mikechey@email.msn.com]
> Sent: Thursday, January 04, 2001 3:06 PM
> To: worship@praise.net
> Subject: [Worship] What to do in this situation??
>
>
> Hi all..
>
>
>   For those who don't know the background, I go to a church that only in
the
> past year grew from 90 people to 800 people with two services now.
> I am 40 years old, mom of 4 and wife.. who loves to sing.
> I have been singing since I was young..
> and also dealing with alot of insecurity too..due to past and the enemies
> use of it to one down.
> I never had to worry about ego, self service or anything growing up with
the
> Lord even when I wasn't walking with him.
> I sang in bands for years and did some praise and worship in a couple of
> churches but not for very long because I didn't stand firm in God..
> I gave up singing in public altogether when I married my husband 12 years
> ago.
> Singing helps me in times of trouble (helps me praise God to give me
peace)
> singing helps me when I am hurting and when I am happy, I express it by
> singing.
> When I came to my church, I noticed that they didn't have an overabundance
> of people singing specials nor do they have a choir that has much oomph.
> The pastors wife is a singer..very meek but sweet voice..
> the worship/praise leader can hit all the notes but I feel she isn't into
> the role even tho it was placed on her for the past two years..
> So here I am new, and they know I can sing..but they never use me.
> I almost sang solo on a song but the key was too high and I got scared at
> the last minute because I strained during rehearsal..I asked the leader to
> change the key and she didn't..but it turned out for the best.
> I also had a run in with the leader about her coldness(she seems kind of
> stand offish and not really warm...still does. )
> and I went to her. I felt we worked things out and I hug her when I can..
I
> also try to be as friendly as I can..not fake..
> I didn't want to even start singing yet in the church because I wanted to
be
> back with Jesus for awhile first but my sister helped rush me into it..and
I
> get banged up against walls not only by MY own insecurities but byt the
> devil's little machinations.
> So lately I am dealing with two things..
>
> A. The church hasn't had a singer that sings like me before that hasn't
left
> the church or the Lord.
> I think they expect this from me and the leader put a bug into my head
that
> I might get some thrill out of having people hear me sing..
> I never thought that about myself before.. I mean, I used to be just happy
> singing by myself to God or my family.. I mean as long as someone is
getting
> pleasure out of it, that's what I want.. And whne it's for God, I want the
> voice to heal or bless someone an bring them into God's presence.. I want
to
> help MOVE people..to worship..
> or in a solo, to make their hearts just burst with love for God or be
moved
> to tears because they are touched by a song.
> The leader and now the pastor's wife seem so distant to me..(they are
close)
> and I don't know how to handle it...
> I get very insecure anyway, and sometimes feel as if I should just back
> off..
> but my husband, sister and close friend at the church tell me that that
> would be wrong.
> To not put my talent in a box..
> but it seems like so much trouble.. which leads to the next problem.
>
> B. I have NEVER EVER felt I had a big head about my singing.. in fact, the
> opposite..
> and now just when I am accepting the voice God gave me as much as I can
even
> when hearing these HUGE christian singers with beautiful voices that I
know
> I cannot compare to.. (I feel that I could do some good for a local
> church..but that's it..)
> now because of what the praise leader told me "if you get some thrill out
of
> having people hear you sing, you can just not sing this song" (when I
tried
> out for a lead part in that song that I backed out of doing")
> I started being really attacked in my mind about my motives.. "you just
want
> people to hear you sing" " you are really wicked and evil and don't even
> really love God you just love yourself"
> and all these other ugly things I keep thinking in my head ..
> I have NEVER ever had this problem before... and I don't like it.
> I love God, I have loved him for as long as I can remember.. even tho I
fell
> a million times. I still loved HIM ,.or at least I FELT love for Him.
> I always believed in Him..tho I struggled with service and commitment..
> but now I want to commit and I have to battle my own mind .
> Sometiems it doesn't seem worth the trouble to serve in that way.
> sometimes I feel I should just sit back and chill with God and let others
do
> their own thing..forget ministering in music!
> this is so hard and I want to know from someone else who is now a worship
> leader or singer for the Lord, were you attacked with thoughts about your
> ego?
> about your own Glory?
> I have even slipped when singing a song about the Lord making the lyrics
> about ME.
> I don't mean to..it just slips and then I think I am really horrible!
> even my kids and husand tell me that's just the devil!!! but can he
stumble
> our words?
>
> Like I said, it doesn't feel worth it. I am not strong enough.. I want the
> Lord to help me but I feel that he isn't there when it comes to this
> sometimes!
> I want to just sing for Him without all the garbage coming up in my mind,
or
> I would rather NOT sing except at home for him!
>
> Any ideas anyone?
> :)
> thanks!
> Chey
>
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> -Looking for praise and worship music?  Visit our list sponsor at:
>                    http://www.worshipmusic.com
> For help with your list subscription contact worship-help@praise.net
> -------------------------------------------------------------------



-------------------------------------------------------------------
-Looking for praise and worship music?  Visit our list sponsor at:
                   http://www.worshipmusic.com
For help with your list subscription contact worship-help@praise.net
-------------------------------------------------------------------