[Worship] Prayer Request

[Michael Lehr <michael.lehr@zetnet.co.uk>]

> Charity <choirangel@excite.com> wrote

<snip>
> After many years of being quiet to "keep the peace" 
> and "not exacerbate the situation", I've come to the 
> conclusion that we ought to verbally BLAST these rude 
> people at the time they commit the offense; this 
> conveys the clear message that their poor behavior 
> won't be tolerated, and it STOPS the situation dead 
> in its tracks!
>
> All my life I've been told to "not respond in kind -
> let's just try to keep the peace"--well, I discovered 
> that "keeping the peace" just doesn't work with 
> verbally abusive church folks, and frankly,
> people need to know that what they do angers and 
> annoys people, is totally OUT OF ORDER in the House 
> of God, and they should learn to expect a SHARP retort 
> as a consequence of their behavior! I'm tired of this 
> "blame the victim" attitude that holds sway in so many
> churches--and I'm also tired of hearing statements to 
> the effect that we shouldn't "show our anger" and that 
> we should only "speak in love."
> "Speaking in love" DOESN'T WORK on bullies, terrorists, 
> criminals, despots or other domineering, dictatorial 
> personalities! 
<snip>

Hmmm.  There's a lot of stuff in the above and the rest of the post that
I snipped, some good and some not so good.

I know the kind of thing that you're referring to, but I don't believe
the answer is to hold back so long that when you do break loose you
*really* break loose.  That is not a godly response any more than it is
to keep quiet initially.

The answer is not to "speak in love" but to "speak the TRUTH in love",
and right from the very beginning.

It may require re-training ourselves when we've been trained wrongly in
the past, but I believe the proper reply the very first time someone
says something with a bad intent can vary from "I'm sorry but that is a
totally inappropriate comment" to "I believe you need to seriously
consider your motives in saying that", or words to that effect.  And we
have to be ready and prepared for these things, just as Jesus clearly
was when he was challenged or attacked.

It doesn't *have* to be a sharp retort or a blast at all, but it should
be strong, positive, and backed up by biblical justification.  If you
have "bullies, terrorists, criminals, despots or other domineering,
dictatorial personalities" in a church, then proper church discipline is
simply not being exercised by either the leadership or membership.

If someone was attempting to push something through against the wishes
of a milder church membership, I would not say "You are a bully and I
won't tolerate that", but maybe "I don't believe others would agree with
you, and your approach could well be construed as somewhat bullying",
and would go on to argue that point if necessary.  Of course, a Minister
generally has the authority (perhaps after discussion with others,
depending on the church structure) to proceed to more formal measures. 
That's not the case for most of us.

Be restrained - that's important - but find the words to speak your
beliefs within that restraint from the very first incident.  It isn't
easy in any situation (workplace, domestic or church), but I believe
it's an imperative in all of them.

Blessings

Michael Lehr





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